Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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