I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
