I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
