he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
