smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just cut my nipple shaving
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
