We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
