fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
