I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize