Your mouth is God's brothel.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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