You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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