I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
