I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
