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meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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