So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
