I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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