she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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