I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
