its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
