i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
