I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
