yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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