I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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