Come see our sink grown plant.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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