With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
