I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
