Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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