ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
