Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
