Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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