I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
