i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
