Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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