so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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