i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I will be naked everywhere
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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