I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
