Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
