mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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