Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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