And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
