I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
