Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
