okay pat passed out under dana's car
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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