can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
