No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize