You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
