Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
