don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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