i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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