I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize