I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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