I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
