I am puke
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
