i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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