woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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