I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
