woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
