can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
