OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
