I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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