Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize