Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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