Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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