Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
