Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
