Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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