I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
