and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
