Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
