I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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