don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
